Why Does Change in Therapy Take Time?
Many people beginning therapy find themselves asking a similar question at some point: "We've been talking, so why do I still feel the same?"
Others may wonder why change seems slower than they expected after the first few sessions.
These thoughts are entirely understandable. In everyday life, we are often encouraged to solve problems as quickly as possible. Therapy, however, usually unfolds at a different pace.
Change Does Not Always Begin the Moment We Notice It
Some of the first changes that happen in therapy are changes in awareness.
We may begin to notice recurring relationship patterns, recognize why we respond similarly in certain situations, or understand ourselves in ways we had not before. Yet insight does not always lead to immediate change.
There is often a period of time between understanding something and being able to experience or respond differently.
Longstanding Patterns Do Not Develop Overnight
The ways we think, feel, and relate to others are often shaped over many years.
Patterns that once helped us cope or protected us at an earlier stage of life may no longer serve us in the same way. Even so, because these patterns feel familiar, they are not always easy to change.
Change is often about more than gaining new insight. It also involves having new emotional experiences that gradually make different ways of relating possible.
Progress in Therapy Is Rarely Linear
Therapy does not usually move in a straight line.
At times we may feel that we are making meaningful progress. At other times, familiar emotions or old difficulties may seem to return.
This does not necessarily mean we are moving backwards. Sometimes revisiting a familiar experience with greater awareness or from a different perspective is itself an important part of change.
Sometimes Change Begins in the Relationship We Have With Ourselves
Therapy cannot always change life's circumstances immediately.
Over time, however, it may change the way we relate to ourselves, our relationships, and our experiences.
Sometimes change begins not with feeling less anxious or less distressed, but with understanding ourselves more fully. At other times, it begins when we notice that we are responding to ourselves with greater patience, curiosity, or compassion than before.
Change in therapy is not always quick. Yet over time, this gradual process may allow us to relate differently not only to our difficulties, but also to ourselves.
If you are considering psychotherapy, I offer therapy for adults and couples in both English and Turkish. Sessions are available online across Ontario and Alberta, as well as in person in Toronto.
You are welcome to contact me to arrange a complimentary 15-minute consultation to explore whether working together feels like the right fit.